"Wow, we must have a big smudge on our camera lens. Do you see those blobs there on both your eyes? I doubt they're actually there," my optometrist stated while showing me my retina scans. Are you alright if I dilate your eyes to look at your lenses?"
"Sure, as long as it won't affect my being able to drive."
"No, your eyes will be more sensitive to the light for a couple of hours, but that's all. You will probably want to wear sunglasses."
Upon dilating my eyes, my optometrist mused, "Hmm, those blobs are actually there. Those are cataracts. You have one in each eye. Have you ever been told that before?"
She looked back at my chart and saw that the cataracts had never before been noted, but I was not surprised to hear I had them.
"No, but my mom had cataract surgery when she was in her forties. That's kind of young for that, right? I mean, my grandpa only just last year had surgery for cataracts and he'll be 90 later this fall."
She couldn't say for sure, but she thought these were probably the faster growing type of cataracts, especially due to their current size and the fact that they weren't evident three years ago in 2015 when my eyes were last dilated.
"Cataracts are something that will eventually happen to everyone, if you live long enough. And when they begin to affect your vision so that they become bothersome, you have surgery."
Her demeanor was non-pulsed. Perhaps she even shrugged her shoulder on that last sentence, as if to say,
this is no big deal.
"They're not currently affecting your vision. If anything, some forms of light and the glare from that light might affect you more."
I do hate driving at night. And the sun, which I love and I seek each morning with my first breath,
is hazily blinding. Maybe it's due to these clouds on my lenses. It seems my vision really isn't as clear as it appears to be.
My reading glasses prescription had only changed a slight click. Ever drawn to classic styles, my five year old frames still suited me just fine. Since I was just getting new lenses, I decided I'd splurge on some decent sunglasses. Now that I knew about the glare, about the clouds, I'd stop buying my shades at the dollar store. "I'll purchase just one expensive pair and hold on to them," I thought.
The late Dr. Maya Angelou references a nineteenth century African American song that speaks about God putting a rainbow in the clouds when it looked like the sun wasn't gonna shine anymore. She goes on to share how she has had so many rainbows in her clouds, and she carries them with her wherever she goes. She is never really alone because she has had these rainbows in her clouds, these kind souls in her life.
I am coming to see that the sunshine is always there. At times it's just out of reach, just beyond my vantage point; but it is ever present within me. Like the vibrant warmth of Autumn's reds, oranges, yellows, and golds there is a season to wear our joy boldly, to let it radiate outward, to let it shine. There may be clouds on my lenses, my vision is clear.
Through the Haze
Just over the Horizon
The Cross of Light
Prairie Sunrise
All photos taken at Franciscan Retreats and
Spirituality Center in Prior Lake, MN
